Do you ever feel like you’re living someone else’s life?
Like life is moving all around you and you have no idea what’s going on?
Lately I feel like I’ve been living someone else’s life. I’ve been caught up in the world of materialism, instant gratification and envy.
Caught up in a lie that what I have and who I am is not enough.
It didn’t start right away. Gradually I realized my faith life & gratefulness slip away. I began working out and tracking my food because I was not happy with the way I looked. I stayed after work to earn overtime so I could afford more clothes and material items. My time and mind became a slave to the world. I still attended mass on the weekends but that was it. My faith as put behind everything else along with my relationship with Jesus.
When I started my new job, I was convinced I would meet the man I would marry after a few months. You know how it feels when things fall into place and you’re on the right path? That’s how I felt. However, after this did not happen, I became very frustrated. I started to put all of my time and effort into my job. Spending all of my free time at the gym or watching tv. I tried every dating app, including Tinder, with no luck. Filling my free time with whatever I could to avoid loneliness and making myself face my relationship with God. I had no relationship and I knew that, but I didn’t care.
Now usually, people have a crazy coming to Jesus story after straying away, but I didn’t. One day I just decided I was going to change. I decided it was time to find Jesus again. I began slowly by changing my attitude. First, I decided it was time to quit being engrossed by the work gossip, because who am I to judge! Second, I started using my exercise time to listen to podcasts and listen to my “Jesus” playlist. I’ve only been at this new approach for a few weeks, but I can already tell a difference. My mood and self-esteem have already changed. I feel myself being more positive and looking forward to each day rather than looking too far into the future. When I look too far into the future, I
find myself anxious and worried. I get caught up in what I don’t have and worry that God will not answer my prayers. When I look at my life one day at a time, I find myself content with what I have and who I am. I’m happy and at peace with the stage I am at in my life. I’ve decided to also stay single; I am actively choosing to be single. I want to take this time to truly be happy with who I am and not constantly be searching for “the one”. This time will be used to strengthen my relationship with Jesus and enjoy my time as a single, 25-year-old who is able to travel and enjoy life before I have other commitments. I’m ready to enjoy my season of singleness instead of dreading it. I’m ready to love me for me and not strive to be someone else. I’m ready to live free and the only way for me to live free is by allowing God to take over.
“He does great things beyond our knowing” Job 37:5